I've had the whole world in the palm of my hands, perfectly indexed and analyzed, all figured out. and then I blinked, woke up, and it was just like a dream being lost from recognition with every little second. I've come so close to understanding everything, and then it turns and I know nothing. I am stuck in the perpetual cycle of bringing myself to the verge of enlightenment, then losing everything the moment before I reach it. And after every attempt, i have to pick up the pieces, knowing that they were so close to being whole, and start right back at the beginning. It is then in the beginning that i am raw and unadulterated, and the utter chaos of my psyche fills everything, it is clay. Then slowly I put things into place, i mold it into a state of refinement, of culture, and it takes a definite shape. I fine tune it and work out the kinks- thus it becomes a fragile and delicate, almost complete. This is also the point at which I become clumsy, and prone to accidents, as if drunk off the sense of accomplishment. And then, just like that, I loose it. Au revoir, adios. Square one.